considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
