why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
