i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
