I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
