Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
