Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
