Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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