between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
