My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
