booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
