Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
