I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just found puke in my bra..
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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