So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
