Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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