don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
