So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
