Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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