I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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