is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
