my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
