Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
