he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
