I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
