Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
