I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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