I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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