i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
