PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
