matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
