Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
