Will you blow on my dice?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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