Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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