I just made out with a guy for $7.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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