she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Houston, we have a blender
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
