so that wasnt chicken after all
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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