OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
