oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
