Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
