if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish you could order shots online.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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