He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
