Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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