do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
