im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize