I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
