please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My pussy is not your playground.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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