why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize