In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
