You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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