I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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