He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
