Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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