if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's shark week go big or go home
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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