Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
