a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
