swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
