Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We had to coat check the pizza.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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