Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
