see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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