bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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