I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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