anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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