dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize