Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Randomize
