We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
