I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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