There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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