i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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