We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
