I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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