You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
