I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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