I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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