So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
