ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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