it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
