i used baking grease as lip gloss
pop tarts are not kleenex
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
