when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
